The First Time..

I still remember that sultry adolescent afternoon. Driven by surging terstosterone, I decided to go an find out the real taste of the forbidden fruit. My cousin and his friends knew the hide-out where one could get rid of the "itching" as they put it. The object of the mission was so compelling that I did not notice the sleazy road that led to the shacks where one could find salvation.

I was shuffled into a room that was barely 5 sq ft. She entered the room, probably a few years older to me and started making small talk. Your girlfriend does not give you? I could hardly wait.. and I had a condom, ready to go. Before she let me get to the real act I exploded just by seeing her breasts.


I chucked the wet condom, pulled up my pants, handed her Rs.30 and some more.. and exited with a growing sense of shame.. that I tried to drown with a bottle of Gold Spot, completely disgusted at what I had done. There was no way I could have really done it. Compared to my need to experience it, the helplessness of the girl was too much to bear. The bitter sadness in the eyes of these souls seemed to mock at the false bravado of my manhood.

Bindaas Babez

Ow! Those delicious legs!! But wait a minute.. what is that uptight man doing sitting next to her? Ah! The demand for yummy bodies like far outstrips supply.. and for a GOOD reason.



It is easy to have a body that seems bindaas, but bindaas in the mind?



Seemingly capable of anything but willing only with a select few! No complaints there.. that's the way it is!!

Where is the Joy?

The same thing happens in web-cam these days!!
Somewhere, in a different time-space...

Now what?

It is just a matter of time, no?
The whole male-female thing.. and market realities/society - what will people say?



Brides looking for Lifemate.. Grooms looking for Soulmate, said the ad.

Debonair hotties..

I shelled out an emergency 200 bucks for a rather disappointing "collector's issue."



Man's world and Maxim seem to be doing a much better job..



This is NOT your typical urban Indian woman. This is what the Indian Man fantasizes about but does not get. So the media tries to portray the wish list..



03.02.2010
It would be nice to have the means to indulge a few moments with a body such as this.. but not to go all the way.. not that "neediness" just yum yum petting and funy conversation.

11.02.2010
Nope. DEFINITELY not. This is a means, not an end.
We shall go beyond to sublimer pleasures, and much more powerful ways of being. Likewise, this influence too shall change!

A Body and Brain..

They are mostly all the same.. trading their bodies for some $$$. The source of Mammon worship.. but the REAL life.. where the body partakes of the essential joy that is ours in the depths of being, denied because humanity resists the flow by smoking, eating meat and being IN-human.

No, thats not for me. She takes me there.. but not ALL the way, somehow my senses feel a gap and it is there in our BEING as well.

So, for a Digital GF.. a masseur.. @ the edge of reason.

+ive Pornstars?

I think the reason we have porn in the first place is the innocent rejection of our bodies. I have grown up in a very sexually repressed society. That has made me salivate for sensual experience. After one broken relationship, I know that my unconscious played a very important role. Hence, if I play with my unconscious and give it expression, then it will not sneak up on me and destroy my happiness.

This is a picture posted by a FB friend. It triggered a desire to engage with someone like her, who would respond positively and thank me for helping her to "evolve."

What a stupid idea!

All for an orgasm..

I kind of smelled something rotten.

In fact I dreamed it last night.. and yet the witch follows me. Is it because I accepted her in a maternal way? It is so subtle now, the way they twitter the most trivial of things.

It is not about Being Beauty.. it is about NON-being.

Thats the catch. I took this body to overcome this challenge.. and it has cropped up in the most hideous way possible. Our unconsciousness is the window through which it enters. A non-being, a hazy fog that will not go away.

Will take a bath, meditate and read some Light. THIS has got to go.. in 90 days flat!

~ 1pm
I had made many a promise such as the one above. To get rid of the sinner in me, a nihil or some devilish streak. What I am dealing with is a sub-conscious residue of judgement and non co-operation. They have never looked at me as a valuable asset, who has something to contribute. It is very subtle, this recognition of my presence and I wonder what it is that I must do, in order to activate it. Is a name change the answer?

"..boundaries are meant to be pushed, not lived in."

3.02.2012
Yes, for the boundaries.. but how?

Grim childhoods lead to so many kinds of addictions.. so instead of curbing what is deemed to be a crime, can we look at the causes?

05.03.2010
The Kundalini. Ah! Yes..

"You remind me of someone," she says. Covered in a light crimson saree with a touch of silk on her lips, inviting the senses to an exquisite emotion.